Yep... I tried talking... Now I am practicing crying... I wish that I could go to an island alone..... forever...... nothing makes sense. God.... why can't it ever turn out rite? this is pointless

   God, why do I always end up messin up?! I can never do the right thing ya know? My day was going smoothly until I dropped all my crap on one person and get them pissed at me too... Thats all I need, for me to talk to my friends one at a time and get them all pissed at me. Maybe thats why I am gonna go to bed at 7:30 every night, so I can avoid doing that... If I talk to them, I somehow end up sayin the wrong crap or somethin, and if I don't talk to them, does our friendship die? It surely cant grow... can it? I sure do hope... Well I had to write this to try to get it off my mind so that I can sleep peacefully... hopefully... don't bother leaving a comment... gnite

   Well right now its 2:24 AM and I just woke up. I went to bed around 7:30 so I guess that I am ready for work now but I don't have to work till 9... so I do not know what I am going to do. I just read all my emails and I got sad again. lol. I don't know why just a little thing makes me sad. I think I will talk to Kristina about it, I usually talk to her soooo. I really wish that I could control who I liked, that would be very cool. I guess I have to learn. I do know that I can wait forever though! ;) u know wut i mean. I think when my ex moves to Orlando for school, that I will start to see her more and I don't know what will happen then. Everything is just so confusing in my life. It feels like something is really wrong in my heart, but in reality, nothing is wrong. It's just not going the way that I want it to go. Dang it all, why can't I have everything that I want. It just ain't rite! lol. I bet you that I am one of the most jealous people that you know! That is why I am upset at the moment. I get upset pretty easily which I guess is one of my most major flaws.
   Well, yesterday was fun. Justin and I hung out all day pretty much, until I went to bed. I went to his house at 10 and was going to hang out there until work, so that I did, we played pool until about 12:30 and then we went to Dunkin Donuts and had a coupon for "buy a 1/2 dozen get 1/2 dozen free" so that we did. We both ate 6. We regretted it. After that we got home and we went surfing for an hour and a half because we had to go to work around 2:00. We got in around 2:30 and went to his house to go to work. We got there and his dad didn't want to work so we didn't work. So0o0o we decide to mess around. We drew mustaches on ourselves with permanent marker and got ready to go to my house. We get to my house and we dress up all weird. I have my mom take pictures and then we go bowling. btw, Justin was wearing a plaid collared shirt and a golf vest and shorts. I was wearing a plaid collared shirt and long old man style slacks with a belt. Plus we both had on my pappy's hats and our fake mustaches ;). We go bowling, where I do terrible at. Justin made me get the shoes and stuff and when I tell the man what size I wear, I start cracking up which, in return, Justin follows suit. I tried so hard not to laugh but I couldn't stop myself. Anywayz, after bowling, we go back to my house and I format his comp and fix it up for him. How fun. After that, I pretty much go to sleep.
   Back to writing about my self pity. I figure, if I write about it in the end, no one will read it and thats a good thing because I'm sure that my being sorry for myself is another flaw.
   Well yes, I am still upset. The more I think about her, the more upset I get. I would think that when I think about the girl that I like, that I will get happier? psht, I wish. I used to till I ruined everything. I wish I could go back and realize what the real deal was. BUT, u can't. Let this be a lesson to you all, all of you! Don't ruin something that you could have over ur own stupidity. Just let it be and if it's meant to be, it'll sure enough be. Don't get hasty, relax and let it slowly happen.
   Now that you all are learning a lesson :P. Maybe I should try to learn it. What lesson am I learning now? lol... ummmmm.... Suicide is NOT the option! knew that one already lol...
   There is good news, one of the girls I met on the cruise might be moving to Florida... So that would be kool to hang out with her sometimes. She's a fun girl, likes to party. Plus she would rather move away from all of her friends just to live in florida and be closer to me cuz she's kool like that :P.
   Well I think that I will try to go back to sleep. Leave a comment if you have any encouraging words or advice. Thanks a lot! ~take care

   Hey.. well tonight I went to the movies with my mom and my sister and the movie was gay... so we got home and i got online and talked to kelly and kristina. It's weird how your mood can change from one to another so fast. When you think everything in the world is going the way you want, things just turn upside down when you think about one thing. Thats all it takes. Well yeah, I try to talk to some ppl about things but that doesn't turn out too well. I think the main part of me being unhappy is because I grew up in a place where I had about 20 friends, and we were all very close, and whenever any of us needed to talk or anything, there was always someone there. It's not like this around here. I don't like it. But I will learn to deal with it, at least until I start going to College in orlando and I won't be able to talk or hang out with anyone much. Then I think, I hope that I wont have time to think about the things that turn my world upside down. Maybe that will be the answer. Who knows. I hate this feeling though. Why do some people do stuff that means something totally different? Like I said, where I grew up was so different and I liked it better that way. I miss it. I miss them. I wish I could go back. I wish. Its haunting, how I can't seem, to find myself again. I can't sleep. I want to sleep. I need to sleep, I need to go unconcious where I can't think. Thinking is deadly. I need to stop. I need to sleep. ~Take care

   Well, I am ready now waiting for work, Justin is supposed to be here to pick me up in 15-20 minutes -__-... Last night was great lol. I talked with Kelly on the phone for about 5 hours and 20 minutes... wow... I kinda have a headache this morning from it all but it was worth it :) She is fun to talk to and we actually talked the whole time and I didnt fall asleep on the phone like last time :-D. lol. But yeah, that was my night.
   I decided to write in here this morning as I wait because I am pretty bored but I shall end it now. You don't have to leave a comment on this one because it is so small BUT you are allowed to :). ~Take care

   Hey hey hey! Whatsa poppin?! Well today has been oh so gruciating... if thats a word. Work was alright, had to work in the pouring rain for about 20 minutes until it started lightening to then we decided to take a break and then went back to the job and finished it. What a job. phew... After work I came home and was going to go to a party until I realized that they were serving spaghetti and I dun like spaghetti, especially the sauce, blah.
   So I stayed home and accidentally fell asleep on the couch and was home alone for about 2.5 hours. fun fun! :), I ordered pizza and watched some tv and felt like a big couch potato. Not fun. But oh well.
   Well that was my day and I'd end this thing now but I don't want it to be TOO short so I shall continue on.
   I am talking to Lisa now, well at least I WAS. Last night Kristina and Kelly called me since Kelly is staying at Kristinas for a while. We talked for about 2 hours and I ended up falling asleep on the phone... I rolled over and bumped the phone and woke up and realized that I was on the phone, of course no one was on, I looked at the phone and it was at 345 minutes and counting. I thought to myself, oh that sucks.
   I'm going to end it now because I am supposed to call her, so says Lisa. We shall see if she was lying. Well leave a comment on this puny post and I'll read it... ~Take care

   Well, it's been quite a while. I've been slacking a little on this thing so I hope to update you on my life so far.
   2 days ago, if I can remember... no, I can't.
   Yesterday, all I can remember about that day was bowling. Me, Kelly, Kristina, Renee, Katherine, Lisa, Katherine's bf, Jeff, Jayson, Ryan went bowling. Only me, Kelly, Kristina, Renee, Ryan and Lisa bowled though. I wasn't going to but I figured might as well. Oh wait, before I go on, I must tell you how right I was and how wrong Kelly and Kristina were in the beginning of the night.
   When I set up the plans to go bowling, I set them up for 9:30 at Bel Aire. Well, Kelly and Kristina wanted to go to Starlight because it was $1 cheaper and they wanted to be there at 8:00. So after about 10 minutes of arguing, I yeild my rights and we all get there at 8:00. Except, Kelly and Kristina were late. The very one's who decided being there at 8:00 would be better. So they get there at 8:30 expecting it to be different or something. So they have a ladies meeting after 5 minutes of being there and the result was "Let's go to Bel Aire, we thought it was going to be Cosmic Bowling". Sooo, we all drive back over to Bel Aire, passing my house on the way. So by the time we start bowling, its 9:30... Hey, what a coincidence. Anywayz, we start bowling. We finish bowling. I win. That was simple. I thought I was going to have some competition though because Renee spoke highly of her friend Ryan. I guess he was having a bad day, he did have some good bowls though. I came in first (only one to break 100), and then Kelly came in second (sounds impossible but did happen).
   After that Lisa invited me to go to the car club with them but I decided that I didn't want to because I don't really know anyone and I wasn't in the mood to go to a party. So they went to that and I came home. I talked online from 11:30PM - 3:00AM to a girl that I met on the cruise. That was exciting. I miss talking/seein her. She was a lot of fun. But we had some fun talks. :). And then this morning I had to wake up at 8:15 for church. How exciting. My eye hurt really bad from lack of sleep so I was itching it the whole time and it turned red. Clear eyes rite. So after church today I came home and dropped my g-ma off and then I went to McDonald's for some lunch. That wasn't very fulfilling. After that my cousin calls me up and wants to go see a movie so that we do. We went to Regal and saw I,Robot. Very good movie if you expect bad. Which is what I was expecting. I'm not a huge Will Smith fan. Well after the movie, I came home and ate dinner and then played a game and read up on games. That was fun. Kristina/Lisa invited me to a movie tonight, The Village, which I do want to see but I kinda thought that maybe I was wearing out my welcome. I think that maybe some people are getting tired of me so I thought I'd back down a little and just stay out of the way. :). I do hope they have loads of fun though. I think I kinda regret not going because I am pretty well bored right now but I think I might be able to find something to do. I took the TV out of my room because I don't watch it and I would like to rent a movie on our TV in the family room but my sister is watching the race. How exciting.
   I am still working on getting some loops (sounds of music for a music-making program that I use) from a friend in Ohio as soon as he is lazy enough to mail them to me. I want to get back into making music but you can't make something out of literally nothing. So I'll just keep on bugging him about that :P
   I think I'll write in my personal journal after this one. Only Kristina knows about it and I think I'd like it to stay that way... Kristina. :) I hope I can trust you :P Just think of this as a test. :).
   I think that I am going to start going bowling every Saturday nights around 9 or so, even if it's by myself just because I want to get better and I enjoy it a lot. If I'm by myself, I'll rent a lane for an hour and bowl 5 games. I think thats enough. If someone reads this and wants to come, just meet me there or tell me and we can drive together or figure something out. It's up to you.
   I also need to find another job sometime soon. I want to work at Sonic's but they aren't going to open anytime soon so I might have to find a job somewhere else. Maybe Publix but I diss that so much that it'd be kinda weird for me to start working there :P But I'll keep looking before I revolt to that.
   I think that I will end this now because I am just blabbing and there is no way that someone will read this whole thing. So if you did, get a life. lol just joking. But if you did, thanks and I hope that I didn't bore you to death or anything near death. Leave a comment or something and I'll look at yours or whatever. Thanks again. Have a good day/night. ~Take care

   Hello all ye people of Me. Kelly told me to write in here so writing in here I am.
   Today was a fun day, I awoke at 7:00AM and got ready and left to Kelly's house at 7:30AM. My main goal was to take Lisa and Renee to School Orientation, of which I succeeded in. After dropping them off, about 30 minutes later, they called and asked to be picked up, of which I also succeeded in. I took them to Friendly's and they ate. I watched. Once I took them back home, we had to awaken the Great Sleeping Kelly. That was dreadful. Heh, j/j. After she opened the door for us, she decided that she was going to try to go back to sleep, of which she failed. I wouldn't let her sleep. So we hung out at her house for an hour or so and I watched Dawson's Creek in her very comfortable bed. That was fun. Then we built a fast house on The Sim's and watched our Sim's die in the pool. That was also quite fun. After that, we all went to the mall. I went with them. Yay. (sarcasm). So after spending 30 mins in each store (keep in mind there are many stores), we decide to eat, my favorite part. So eat we did. It was good. We continued on to Dillards and then after putting 20 things on hold, we left. Which reminds me, we didn't buy the clothes so what was the point? So we decided to go our seperate ways from the mall and I headed home. I got home and did some yard work, made $30. That was nice. After that I watched some tv, chatted online, played some games and relaxed. I am in the process of relaxing right now. It is good. I found out earlier today that I have to work for some man that I've never seen before. How freaky. All is well though because I will be making $10 an hour and be working 8 - 10 hour days therefore pulling in about $80 - $100 a day, and working for him 2 days = $160 - $200 total. All of which I do not mind. So far my nights are free except Saturday night. I am planning on going bowling with a group of various friends. That should be fun. I also may be working for Mrs. Hoagland aka Kelly's mom sometime. Of which I look forward to because it is quite simple work and would be a suitable side job in the position that I am in. I hope that that works out because I could use it. I already know a small bit of what I would need to know, but since it is all computer related, I should pick it up pretty quickly. Fullsail, the college that I will be attending sometime next year, sent yet another brochure, and in the brochure I read about their Game Design course of which you can get a bachelors in Science and Game Design yet they added 5 months to the course, of which I do not mind so much. So the full course takes about 21 months, which is not bad for a bachelors. Well Kelly just messaged me and I should reply so I am going to cut this now. Thanks for reading once again! ~Take care

   Ello everyone out there! I'm actually in a good mood! lol... Well today was fun, I suppose... I woke up around 12:00, and went with Justin to his house, we played some pool and then practiced throwing knives till we lost one. We then rode bikes to the beach and checked the waves, ended up not surfing so that was slightly pointless. We then headed back to my house and I forget what I did at the moment. I went to Pooplex earlier for a sub and ate half of it so far. Saving the rest for later I suppose. I just got done playing Sims, I would be talking to Kelly and/or Kristina right now but they are at the club soooo. I would talk to Lisa but she is playing the Sims. So everyone is having fun, that is good. I am happy that I am in a good mood! Anywayz, this is probably the shortest of the short that I have written in here so I'm going to leave it at that. I'll probably add another entry after I get done talking to Kelly for the night and before I go to sleep. So leave a comment on here if you want, tis up to you! ~Take care

I always wanted more from you, than you were willing to give,